Recently I was on a trip and overheard a woman talking to people at her table in the restaurant about how she does not hire people she knows because she is no nonsense at work and mean. Her tone sounded as if she was proud of the fact that she was being a mean individual. I guess how she is at work is so bad she does not want those who she has a relationship with to think differently of her, and choose not to be around her. I have a lot to say about that, but I just want to use this time to address how this relates to leadership.
After hearing her comment, I shook my head and grinned, because I was not surprised at all by what she said. This type of behavior, where someone boasts about being “no-nonsense” or proud of their perceived harshness in the workplace, is unfortunately not uncommon for some leaders. I have personally experienced these types of leaders on a few occasions. I would always say when I obtained a leadership role that I refused to be that way.
This kind of attitude is born out of the misconception of what effective leadership really is. This attitude is also a result of a lack of empathy and emotional intelligence.
Here are two factors I feel creates this “mean” behavior in leadership:
- Misguided Beliefs: There are some leaders who have this misguided idea that being tough is synonymous with being an effective leader. They believe that being kind to others or showing compassion equates to being weak. It is possible that they view being kind to those they lead as a threat to the power they feel they have. When they resort to an authoritarian leadership style they believe this helps them maintain control. Leaders should recognize that showing empathy and understanding is vital to building strong authentic relationships and creating a positive work environment.
- Personal Insecurities: Leaders who are insecure feel the need to show their authority by using intimidation tactics on those they lead. Insecure leaders use control to overcompensate for their insecurities and lack of knowledge.
Authoritarian or “mean” behavior can have a negative outcome to the health of your organization. It can cause high turnover rates and employees who are unhappy and hate coming to work (which can ultimately lead to decreased productivity and performance).
After all of this, I know the question still remains; How can leaders avoid this type of behavior and create a healthier and supportive work culture?
- Self-Reflection: Leaders should do a lot of mirror work. This means they should look at their own attitudes and behaviors and examine how they may affect those around them. This self-awareness is the first step towards positive change. If the leader does not take this seriously and be honest with themselves about their attitude and behavior, anything I say after this does not matter.
- Empathy and Compassion: Leaders should focus on cultivating empathy and compassion for the people they lead. When you make an emotional connection and try to understand their experiences, it helps to build trust and strengthens relationships.
- Lead by Example: Leaders should make it a habit to model the behavior they wish to see in others. This sets the tone for the organization and helps to create a positive culture. If the behavior you are modeling is negative, then expect the culture around you to be negative. Leaders who set out to model positive behavior will eventually experience a positive culture.
For anyone who is in a leadership role now, or thinking about accepting this type of role, know that leadership is not about controlling others. It is not about instilling fear either. Leadership is about creating other leaders. It is about inspiring and empowering others to work to their highest level.